Ok, so two of my aunts chipped in and purchased me a iRobot Roomba as a housewarming gift. Ask me where it is? They are holding ‘him’ hostage and I am FURIOUS...ok maybe not furious (LOL) I actually think it’s pretty funny. They both also purchased one for themselves. So now they keep torturing me with tales of how cool ‘he’ is and stories of how he backs himself out of corners and travel around the house all day on cleaning expeditions. So today, I found out that there is a website that sells costumes for your Roomba (http://www.myroombud.com/). I’m really pissed now! I dress up my cats and I will dress my iRobot too…if I ever get him! I WANT MY DAMN ROOMBA! LOL
Thursday, August 28, 2008
GIMMIE MY ROOMBA!
Ok, so two of my aunts chipped in and purchased me a iRobot Roomba as a housewarming gift. Ask me where it is? They are holding ‘him’ hostage and I am FURIOUS...ok maybe not furious (LOL) I actually think it’s pretty funny. They both also purchased one for themselves. So now they keep torturing me with tales of how cool ‘he’ is and stories of how he backs himself out of corners and travel around the house all day on cleaning expeditions. So today, I found out that there is a website that sells costumes for your Roomba (http://www.myroombud.com/). I’m really pissed now! I dress up my cats and I will dress my iRobot too…if I ever get him! I WANT MY DAMN ROOMBA! LOL
Sunday, August 24, 2008
We want to take this short commercial break to congratulate Carla Ramson, winner of the 2008-2009 Tales of the Unsavory Ms. Pimp USA contest!
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Friday, August 22, 2008
On this day, three was a crowd.
Friday, August 22, 2008
On this day, three was a crowd.
Until Sunday, 35-year-old Carla Ramson lived in an apartment in southwest Atlanta with two men she identified as her husband and live-in boyfriend, according to an Atlanta police report. Both men were arrested after they got into a fight at their apartment in the 2900 block of Third Avenue, possibly because one got jealous of the other.
The husband, Tracy Lee, 25, was arrested on charges of aggravated assault and battery, and he was released Tuesday from the Fulton County Jail on $25,000 bond.
The boyfriend, Michael Reed, 21, is facing two felony charges, including aggravated assault. He, too, got out of jail Thursday after posting $35,000 bond.
The incident happened at 11:30 a.m. Sunday.
Ramson told police that she and husband Lee were having sex in her bedroom, while Reed was sitting in the living room, the report said.
Apparently that didn't sit well with Reed. He got angry and demanded that Ramson and Lee let him in the bedroom, the report said. Reed somehow got into the bedroom and pushed Lee, the woman told police. Lee returned the favor, pushing Reed onto a table lamp, the report said. Reed then picked up a glass vase and hit Lee in the face, Lee told police. Lee retaliated by getting a knife and trying to stab Reed several times, Reed told police. When police arrived, Reed was taken to Grady Memorial Hospital for injuries, and both were eventually taken to jail.
When reached by phone Thursday afternoon, Ramson said that both men no longer lived there and she wasn't going to worry about it. But she said she couldn't talk because she had company over, and she asked a reporter to call her later.
She could not be reached later.
Friday, August 22, 2008
THE TECHNOLOGY TROLLS ARE BOTHERING US AGAIN
Email from Unsavory Charlatan: Hi everyone! Pictures of __________'s football game are attached. Enjoy!
Reply from family member: Please send me hard copies of the photos you sent of ______ this morning.
I am going to write my congressman. Why would I go and get you hard copies of pictures I EMAILED YOU. That point of me e-mailing it is so you would have it! GO MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN COPIES! THAT JUST MADE ME MAD, I'VE HAD IT!
Reply from family member: Please send me hard copies of the photos you sent of ______ this morning.
I am going to write my congressman. Why would I go and get you hard copies of pictures I EMAILED YOU. That point of me e-mailing it is so you would have it! GO MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN COPIES! THAT JUST MADE ME MAD, I'VE HAD IT!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
BUT IT WAS A NON PROFIT HOAX!...
OK, so the Unsavory Charlatans are writing to the University of Maryland as well as our other institutions of higher learning for a FULL refund on our educations. We have learned absolutely NOTHING! While we work hard to keep our heads above water, there are bumbling IDIOTS allowed to freely roam the earth and get media attention for their ridiculous high-jinks!
Story from the AJC.com
They claim their hoax was not for profit, but Atlanta residents Matthew Whitton and Rick Dyer received $50,000 from a California Bigfoot tracker who now plans to sue to get the money back.
The two Georgia men's tale of having found a Bigfoot carcass in the North Georgia woods really started to stink when California Bigfoot enthusiasts finally examined the body and found it was just a costume.
"There will be legal action" said Catherine Ortez, who works for Searching for Bigfoot, Inc. in in Menlo Park, Calif. The organization paid for rights to the men's story and their find. "If this was a joke, it was very methodical and thought-out," she said.
The Searching site was founded by Tom Biscardi, who authenticated and promoted the alleged Georgia Sasquatch. Biscardi, who did not return calls requesting comment, has his own credibility issues, according to a police officer in a nearby jurisdiction. "He was involved in a similar hoax a few years back," said Agent Dan Ryan with the Palo Alto (Calif.) Police Department.
In an interview with WSB-TV Wednesday night, Whitton and Dyer's attorney, Steve Lister, blamed Biscardi for blowing his clients' joke out of proportion. "It started off as some YouTube videos and a Web site," said Whitton, "We're all about having fun."
Whitton, 28, a Clayton County police officer for six years, was fired Tuesday after news of the hoax spread. Dyer, 31, is a former Clayton County corrections officer. Though, according to their site, the pair are not averse to making money off their amusement. For $500, you can join them for a Bigfoot expedition. They also sell Sasquatch-related T-shirts and caps.
Repeated attempts to reach both men were unsuccessful, and Lister did not return calls seeking comment.
Story from the AJC.com
They claim their hoax was not for profit, but Atlanta residents Matthew Whitton and Rick Dyer received $50,000 from a California Bigfoot tracker who now plans to sue to get the money back.
The two Georgia men's tale of having found a Bigfoot carcass in the North Georgia woods really started to stink when California Bigfoot enthusiasts finally examined the body and found it was just a costume.
"There will be legal action" said Catherine Ortez, who works for Searching for Bigfoot, Inc. in in Menlo Park, Calif. The organization paid for rights to the men's story and their find. "If this was a joke, it was very methodical and thought-out," she said.
The Searching site was founded by Tom Biscardi, who authenticated and promoted the alleged Georgia Sasquatch. Biscardi, who did not return calls requesting comment, has his own credibility issues, according to a police officer in a nearby jurisdiction. "He was involved in a similar hoax a few years back," said Agent Dan Ryan with the Palo Alto (Calif.) Police Department.
In an interview with WSB-TV Wednesday night, Whitton and Dyer's attorney, Steve Lister, blamed Biscardi for blowing his clients' joke out of proportion. "It started off as some YouTube videos and a Web site," said Whitton, "We're all about having fun."
Whitton, 28, a Clayton County police officer for six years, was fired Tuesday after news of the hoax spread. Dyer, 31, is a former Clayton County corrections officer. Though, according to their site, the pair are not averse to making money off their amusement. For $500, you can join them for a Bigfoot expedition. They also sell Sasquatch-related T-shirts and caps.
Repeated attempts to reach both men were unsuccessful, and Lister did not return calls seeking comment.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
OFFICE SHENANIGANS
We, the Unsavory Charlatans, hereby launch a global crusade against the lack of technology knowledge in the work place. We’re not saying you need to be Bill Gates, but don’t be a complete IDIOT! It’s almost 2009 for crying out loud! If you are still in the workforce there is no excuse for being technologically challenged! LEARN IT….IT’S NOT GONNA GO AWAY!
Below is a short record of REDICULOUS comments made by company executives (people who make six figure salaries) and their bone-head assistants. Enjoy, and share our pain -
EXHIBIT A: “...so I need your help with my PowerPoint presentation. I need pictures added to a few of the pages (slides)…yeah, I’d do it myself but my PC is really high-tech and it won’t allow me to add images…”
Reply to self –
**BLANK STARE** --- THE SOUNDS OF PRETTY LITTLE BIRDS CHIRPING
EXHIBIT B: “…Tom needs changes to his PowerPoint presentation. I printed the pages (she meant slides), wrote his comments down, and scanned it. I will email the scan to you…He really wants the text to ‘slide in’. ”
Reply to self –
1. The text DOES slide in…YOU CAN’T SEE THAT ON A PRINT OUT YOU F------ IDIOT!
2. Why didn’t she just make the changes herself? I can not believe she took the time to print out a presentation, write on it, SCAN it, then e-mail it! What a waste of time and paper!!!
EXHIBIT C: “The conference organizers want me to bring a copy of my presentation to load it to their lap top. How do I do that?”
Reply to self –
Are you serious? It’s called a Flash Drive.
EXHIBIT D: “I was poking around on the company website and re-read my article that you posted. You need to re-do it - at the end of the article I clicked on my email hyperlink and it opened an email window - but the email is to ME from ME. Clearly you did something wrong!!”
Reply to self–
Am I being Punked? That’s what’s supposed to happen you MORON! If you click on your email hyperlink you are going to generate an email to you from you…if I click on your email hyperlink it will generate an email to you from ME. GET OFF THE WEBSITE AND FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO SCREW UP…IDIOT!
EXHIBIT E: “My printer is not printing correctly today. You need to change the font on this document. Strange, the same document printed just fine yesterday.”
Reply to self –
Hey DOOFUS – First of all, the problem is your PRINTER. Changing the font wont help - the doc is in Arial, you can’t get anymore basic that that! CALL THE IT HELP DESK! GO AWAY AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO AGGRAVATE!
EXHIBIT F: “I have the letters ready for the marketing mailing. I sent EACH letter to you. There are 24 different files.”
Reply to consultant –
Why are there so many files? Why didn’t you do a mail merge?
Reply from consultant –
“Oh…I don’t know how to do a mail merge and I don’t want to share my contacts with my administrative assistant plus I didn’t want to bother her…”
Reply to self –
So you’d rather bother me? Are you on drugs? So much for her Ivy League education!
Below is a short record of REDICULOUS comments made by company executives (people who make six figure salaries) and their bone-head assistants. Enjoy, and share our pain -
EXHIBIT A: “...so I need your help with my PowerPoint presentation. I need pictures added to a few of the pages (slides)…yeah, I’d do it myself but my PC is really high-tech and it won’t allow me to add images…”
Reply to self –
**BLANK STARE** --- THE SOUNDS OF PRETTY LITTLE BIRDS CHIRPING
EXHIBIT B: “…Tom needs changes to his PowerPoint presentation. I printed the pages (she meant slides), wrote his comments down, and scanned it. I will email the scan to you…He really wants the text to ‘slide in’. ”
Reply to self –
1. The text DOES slide in…YOU CAN’T SEE THAT ON A PRINT OUT YOU F------ IDIOT!
2. Why didn’t she just make the changes herself? I can not believe she took the time to print out a presentation, write on it, SCAN it, then e-mail it! What a waste of time and paper!!!
EXHIBIT C: “The conference organizers want me to bring a copy of my presentation to load it to their lap top. How do I do that?”
Reply to self –
Are you serious? It’s called a Flash Drive.
EXHIBIT D: “I was poking around on the company website and re-read my article that you posted. You need to re-do it - at the end of the article I clicked on my email hyperlink and it opened an email window - but the email is to ME from ME. Clearly you did something wrong!!”
Reply to self–
Am I being Punked? That’s what’s supposed to happen you MORON! If you click on your email hyperlink you are going to generate an email to you from you…if I click on your email hyperlink it will generate an email to you from ME. GET OFF THE WEBSITE AND FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO SCREW UP…IDIOT!
EXHIBIT E: “My printer is not printing correctly today. You need to change the font on this document. Strange, the same document printed just fine yesterday.”
Reply to self –
Hey DOOFUS – First of all, the problem is your PRINTER. Changing the font wont help - the doc is in Arial, you can’t get anymore basic that that! CALL THE IT HELP DESK! GO AWAY AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO AGGRAVATE!
EXHIBIT F: “I have the letters ready for the marketing mailing. I sent EACH letter to you. There are 24 different files.”
Reply to consultant –
Why are there so many files? Why didn’t you do a mail merge?
Reply from consultant –
“Oh…I don’t know how to do a mail merge and I don’t want to share my contacts with my administrative assistant plus I didn’t want to bother her…”
Reply to self –
So you’d rather bother me? Are you on drugs? So much for her Ivy League education!
Saturday, August 9, 2008
RIP Bernie 'Dollar Bill' Mac
One of the Kings of Comedy, Mr. Bernie Mac, passed away this morning at the age of 50.
He will be missed by many.
It's All Fun & Games Until Someone Gets STABBED!
Who says QVC isn't entertaining television? Check out this clip as one of the network hosts accidentially cuts himself with a SWORD!
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
And That's How The Fight Started....
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.... so, I took her to a gas station.....
And that's how the fight started...
************************************************** **********************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver haired chest. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too'.
And that's how the fight started...
************************************************** *********************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And that's how the fight started...
And that's how the fight started...
************************************************** **********************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver haired chest. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too'.
And that's how the fight started...
************************************************** *********************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And that's how the fight started...
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