We, the Unsavory Charlatans, hereby launch a global crusade against the lack of technology knowledge in the work place. We’re not saying you need to be Bill Gates, but don’t be a complete IDIOT! It’s almost 2009 for crying out loud! If you are still in the workforce there is no excuse for being technologically challenged! LEARN IT….IT’S NOT GONNA GO AWAY!
Below is a short record of REDICULOUS comments made by company executives (people who make six figure salaries) and their bone-head assistants. Enjoy, and share our pain -
EXHIBIT A: “...so I need your help with my PowerPoint presentation. I need pictures added to a few of the pages (slides)…yeah, I’d do it myself but my PC is really high-tech and it won’t allow me to add images…”
Reply to self –
**BLANK STARE** --- THE SOUNDS OF PRETTY LITTLE BIRDS CHIRPING
EXHIBIT B: “…Tom needs changes to his PowerPoint presentation. I printed the pages (she meant slides), wrote his comments down, and scanned it. I will email the scan to you…He really wants the text to ‘slide in’. ”
Reply to self –
1. The text DOES slide in…YOU CAN’T SEE THAT ON A PRINT OUT YOU F------ IDIOT!
2. Why didn’t she just make the changes herself? I can not believe she took the time to print out a presentation, write on it, SCAN it, then e-mail it! What a waste of time and paper!!!
EXHIBIT C: “The conference organizers want me to bring a copy of my presentation to load it to their lap top. How do I do that?”
Reply to self –
Are you serious? It’s called a Flash Drive.
EXHIBIT D: “I was poking around on the company website and re-read my article that you posted. You need to re-do it - at the end of the article I clicked on my email hyperlink and it opened an email window - but the email is to ME from ME. Clearly you did something wrong!!”
Reply to self–
Am I being Punked? That’s what’s supposed to happen you MORON! If you click on your email hyperlink you are going to generate an email to you from you…if I click on your email hyperlink it will generate an email to you from ME. GET OFF THE WEBSITE AND FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO SCREW UP…IDIOT!
EXHIBIT E: “My printer is not printing correctly today. You need to change the font on this document. Strange, the same document printed just fine yesterday.”
Reply to self –
Hey DOOFUS – First of all, the problem is your PRINTER. Changing the font wont help - the doc is in Arial, you can’t get anymore basic that that! CALL THE IT HELP DESK! GO AWAY AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO AGGRAVATE!
EXHIBIT F: “I have the letters ready for the marketing mailing. I sent EACH letter to you. There are 24 different files.”
Reply to consultant –
Why are there so many files? Why didn’t you do a mail merge?
Reply from consultant –
“Oh…I don’t know how to do a mail merge and I don’t want to share my contacts with my administrative assistant plus I didn’t want to bother her…”
Reply to self –
So you’d rather bother me? Are you on drugs? So much for her Ivy League education!
Below is a short record of REDICULOUS comments made by company executives (people who make six figure salaries) and their bone-head assistants. Enjoy, and share our pain -
EXHIBIT A: “...so I need your help with my PowerPoint presentation. I need pictures added to a few of the pages (slides)…yeah, I’d do it myself but my PC is really high-tech and it won’t allow me to add images…”
Reply to self –
**BLANK STARE** --- THE SOUNDS OF PRETTY LITTLE BIRDS CHIRPING
EXHIBIT B: “…Tom needs changes to his PowerPoint presentation. I printed the pages (she meant slides), wrote his comments down, and scanned it. I will email the scan to you…He really wants the text to ‘slide in’. ”
Reply to self –
1. The text DOES slide in…YOU CAN’T SEE THAT ON A PRINT OUT YOU F------ IDIOT!
2. Why didn’t she just make the changes herself? I can not believe she took the time to print out a presentation, write on it, SCAN it, then e-mail it! What a waste of time and paper!!!
EXHIBIT C: “The conference organizers want me to bring a copy of my presentation to load it to their lap top. How do I do that?”
Reply to self –
Are you serious? It’s called a Flash Drive.
EXHIBIT D: “I was poking around on the company website and re-read my article that you posted. You need to re-do it - at the end of the article I clicked on my email hyperlink and it opened an email window - but the email is to ME from ME. Clearly you did something wrong!!”
Reply to self–
Am I being Punked? That’s what’s supposed to happen you MORON! If you click on your email hyperlink you are going to generate an email to you from you…if I click on your email hyperlink it will generate an email to you from ME. GET OFF THE WEBSITE AND FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO SCREW UP…IDIOT!
EXHIBIT E: “My printer is not printing correctly today. You need to change the font on this document. Strange, the same document printed just fine yesterday.”
Reply to self –
Hey DOOFUS – First of all, the problem is your PRINTER. Changing the font wont help - the doc is in Arial, you can’t get anymore basic that that! CALL THE IT HELP DESK! GO AWAY AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO AGGRAVATE!
EXHIBIT F: “I have the letters ready for the marketing mailing. I sent EACH letter to you. There are 24 different files.”
Reply to consultant –
Why are there so many files? Why didn’t you do a mail merge?
Reply from consultant –
“Oh…I don’t know how to do a mail merge and I don’t want to share my contacts with my administrative assistant plus I didn’t want to bother her…”
Reply to self –
So you’d rather bother me? Are you on drugs? So much for her Ivy League education!
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